I have to be honest. There has never been a time that I was without doubts about Christianity. They come and go like waves of the sea and when there’s a storm of trouble in my life I have my doubts that Jesus will be there and that God has me firmly in His hands. My doubts manifest themselves as fears and sometimes as panic attacks. They aren’t big doubts and over the years (since I was 17) my doubts have shrunk.
There hasn’t been a time that I’ve been free of doubts because my natural mind will just not allow me to let go of them. To me, it would take a mentally unstable mind to throw out all doubts about God. I would see anyone who claims not to have doubts as being a liar. Maybe, they wouldn’t see it themselves but my mind would quickly put that person in a little box labeled “IN DENIAL”.
Despite my acknowledged doubts to God in prayer, God doesn’t come across as phased or angry. He seems to accept that as being something common among all those who are His. This surprised me at first. I had a hard time even admitting to God, the Great I Am, that I had doubts. But, as I progressed in my relationship with Him I began to see His love despite my doubts. With this, I began to learn that my doubts don’t create fear in God. God doesn’t stew over them and He doesn’t try and remove them. It wasn’t doubts that God wanted to remove but He wanted to increase my faith. My moments of doubt then began to fade and I was able to move past them. They became smaller and smaller and recessed back into my mind.
But, an amazing thing also began to happen as I stuck with God through my times of doubt and my relationship with God grew. It was that my faith grew as well. I found that the byproduct, the consequence of following Jesus and sticking with God was that my faith grew. My faith that He is always with me. My faith that with Him we can get through anything together. Even my faith that He exists and is a Rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
When I first accepted Jesus I really had only the smallest seed of faith. I had shakey faith in Jesus that He really did come as God in the flesh and died for me to take away this thing called sin. My faith was shakey because it was so small and my rational mind was so strongly leery to this whole new concept. Being leery is a part of a rational mind. But, I pushed past being leery to my mustard seed sized faith and I chose to believe my faiths voice of encouragement rather than my natural minds doubts.
My doubts became the soil in which my faith grew.
In my mind, with this last statement, I imagine a 55 gallon garbage can and it is filled to the very top with soil rich in manure also containing bacteria. Then on the very top, in the very center is placed one small seed. When I accepted Christ at the age of 17, it was like the Heavenly Father, through Jesus Christ, by the Holy Spirit placed that seed on top of all that ugly soil. I was the one who put my finger on it and pushed it down into the soil by accepting Jesus as my Savior. And God made the seed of my faith grow. God gave the inert seed life.
Since then, I have found that rather than focusing in on the soil of life I must focus in on the Life itself. Just as God doesn’t focus in on my doubts but zero’s in on my faith.
JESUS SAID, “I AM THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE.”
The only way I made it through some of the most difficult times of my life was focusing on the Life, Jesus, and not the stormy current situation before me.
Although I am a faulty, flawed woman it is not that I focus in on my flaws but rather I focus in on Jesus living inside of me through the Holy Spirit. Jesus is the Seed of Adam and just like with Adam out of the midst of all the “manure” that is me Jesus has chosen to be planted and make His home on earth. And my faulty flawed self actually does me a favor, it keeps me humble. It takes me out of the deceptive, self-serving belief that I really am “All that!”. It keeps me needing my Savior, Jesus, to complete me. By my weaknesses He can show Himself strong.
If you are going through a difficult time; if the mountains seem too high to traverse, maybe now is the time for you to ask Jesus to go with you. His compassion for your situation will never run dry and you will find mercies new each morning.
This is my bliss that spurns me on to write about my amazing Savior. It is my prayer that you too find bliss in Jesus.
……BLIS.BLOG…….by Janet Williams…….A BLOG TO SEE!…….